The One Thing I miss every New Year....

Well, 2009 ends, 2010 arives... two more years left for mankind, then its a long que up the heaven's gates waiting to check in there or Hell for internal.. man, its going to be a massive que up there, hope His angels would have organised and prepare themselves for a busy schedule in 2012....hahahahaa.... Just joking.. i seriously dont believe in all that... Now 2009 was a year i will never forget... because it was a year where i went trough a roller coaster ride... trust me, the ups and downs i went through were massive but like i always said.. im very thankfull i went through all of it as it taught me many good things.

I know, there will be more roller coaster rides coming in 2010 and beyond, but this year would be a special year cause with His grace, i will be graduating in August and start off my working life before i do my Masters.. its not going to be easy but im not going to give up.... my aim is very high and i know nothing is impossible and i can achieve what i want.... Many people now including some of my loved ones just take me and my passion for granted. At times i feel like i just dont have anybody to share my passion on films... all those who listen to me speak actually listens for the sake of listening and they never actually had intrest at all... there were even at times where when im talking, they just cut me off and start a new topic... Damm, it use to make me angry like

hell... but now, when i think about it, i must actually thank them for doing all that, because if they wouldnt have done that, I wouldn't have this much of fire in me to come up and achive what i want and show these people who i am. Thank you if you know who you are guys.. seriously, i dont mean to criticize anyone here but you people really have made the fire in me bigger.

Okay, i know you must be wondering, the title i have written for this post has no connection with what i am saying, so let me get to the point... Yeah, its wonderful celebrating new year.... the most anticipated celebration every year... I must say, i use to enjoy celebrating new year but not any more... the reason behind it.... my grandparents not being around to give their blessing.... from the time i knew the world until the year 2004, i use to enjoy the new year, but after my ammuma(grandma) passed away in 2004, it all just vanished.... new year celebration were just never the same again... it became worse when myappupa(grandad) passed away in front of my eyes in 2006..... Now, i wont lie, we do have parties and i do have fun and all... but thats all just

an act i show out.. inside me, i just miss my ammuma and appupa's voice blessing me to have a wonderful new year ahead...

Now, to say i havent recovered from their passing isnt 100% true, i have recovered, but you know.. at times.... Seriously, life was so wonderful when they were around, me teasing ammuma, arguing with appupa on football, their hug and sweet talks, the special moments when they

advise you to study hard, when they get really worried when you are out and still not back home... priceless... I must say, i was blessed to have a very loving and caring grandparents like apu and ammu... they were always there whenever i needed them... but as what we human beings always do, we take things for granted... those times whn they were around, i never really appreciated them as much how i do now... in fact, i never really got the chance to say I love you appupa ammuma to them during their final days with me and family.....

Love is one thing that they knew and nothing else... ad they showered tremendous amount of love to me and my family...

Grandma always use to tell my mom that "whether others will make us proud or not i dont now, but Ashanth will definitely make us proud one day, dont underestimate him" whenever my mom use to complain my lack of intrest in studying and not having an ambition in life.....

As i write, tears fills my eyes.... i can go on talking about all the things they did for me and my family but for now... I just miss them so much... they are around me keeping an eye on me... their blessings never fades on me... but i would just want a chance to repent all the mistakes i did to them and tell them how much I love and miss them...

.

All i can do is to fulfil their wish.. to see me and my sister come up and become somebody.... which without doubt will be achieved.. with their blessings..... I love you so much appupa ammuma....

After a long time......

At last.. i managed to write something after a long time.... seriously, was extremely busy this past few weeks... too sum up... i went through HELL!!!!... the semester was really tough and since it was only 7 weeks... the assignments were cramped up and it wasnt easy at all.... there were 3 subjects this semester, Broadcast Journalism, Creative Strategy for Advertisng and my personal favourite, Film Apprecation, Interpretation & Criticism.

For Broadcast Journalism, our assignments was to create a tv, radio & internet news a.k.a news blog and it was 70% all together. Tust me, it wasnt easy.. We had to cover 5 different news. So as usual, me and my group went to shoot whatever events we could find and started to ed

it them and all. In the end, it was a real good experience though there were many things that could be improved.

Then our exam schedule came up and to our horror, the final paper will be on the 23 of december.. TWO days before christmas... what the hell... but what to do... hehehehe... since im having a long break in between my exams, i decided to go watch some movies... i started doing research on this one film-maker, whom is on my idol list now, Akira Kurosawa..

Man, he is known to have revolutionized world cinema with some of his style being used by top film-makers around the world, some even use his stories and make movies out of them such as Akira's Seven Samurai's

was remade in Hollywood as the Magnificent 7 and few other's as well, sorry, forgot the titles already..hehehehe. But seriously, i tried finding his movies and so far, i only manage to find one movie of his, KAGEMUSHA, havent watch it yet... waiting for my exams to end to sit and watch these masterpiece comfortably.

Another film-maker that caught my attention is director James Cameroon....

I still remember, 11 years ago, when he won the best director for Titanic in the oscar, he said" Im King of the world". Now after 11 years, he released his next venture "AVATAR".....

and guess what.. he really is the KING of the world. The movie is simply awesome, the cgi's, animation, the message he implemented in the story and the action sequence.... mind blowing.... its just a pity that there is no IMAX in Malaysia, or else, we could have witness the real magic James Cameroon wanted us to see in AVATAR.... he actually shoot the entire film with IMAX camera as well so most of the graphics are more emphasised in IMAX .But he really did a great job.

One thing that i really admire about him is his passion. He actually wrote the first draft of AVATAR way back in 1994 but couldn't execute the project due to the technology constraint at that time, but he didn't give up, he patiently waited and in the end he got what he wanted and he did what he wanted.... what great passion he has... marvellous. I really respect these kind of people, people who are passionate in what they do.

AVATAR the movie is another inspiration for me to work hard and achive my dream. If James Cameroon could wait for 17 years before making AVATAR, why not me???? hehehehehe... everyone has their good and bad time... my good time will come one day :-) and i seriously hope that James Cameroon would win the oscar once again for the same category he won 11 years ago. Because he deserve's it!!!!

Finally... im back to uni life...got to be honest...really missed it... the 8 a.m. classes, getting stuck in jam after class, chatting with fellow uni mates.... great time... last monday class sarted... meet all my uni and tutorial mates.... chatted like hell.. hehehehehe....but despite all this, im still finding it hard to get over certain things that occurd during my time away from uni...... the problem is that i just let my mind control me.. the biggest problem i have been facing since young...... i realise it and im trying my best to control my mind....



By the way... im in my final year now.... just two semesters to go.... i have told myself that im going to work really hard for these two sems... no more playing the fool..... but in order to do that... i need to control my mind... very badly actually.... I should learn how to move on and not look back at the past.... sometimes i feel..... do i mean anything to people???? I realise these days that some people i know dont seem to be intrested or care about my presence..... well, i dont really give a damm about it but at times it does get into you isnt it??you can look it in two ways... either they are so comfortable with me around that they can be themselves towards me or they are just not bothered about me...... but my question is, what did i do??? I know.. im complaining now... just couldnt help it... at times, i feel really scared to be alone.... i just get the feel of being neglected..... i know im not alone.. i have everyone beside me... but there is something.... or someone... i dont know.... thats missing now.....



I dont know what to do..... except just having faith in GOD....... He has never let me down in any way actually.. but when He testes me.... at times its really tough..... He is testing me now.... and all I need to do is to face it bravely and learn from it......... It will make me a better person.... one thing i realise in myself is that.... i tend to put others are more important than me myself.... a very wrong thing to do..... very wrong...... Hope i will pass this test as well.....

7 Shades of Love.... Dil Se

I checked out a very old film's official website titled Dil Se... one of my favourite movies of all time not because it was a shah rukh khan's movie but it was my idol's movie.. MANI RATNAM... when ever i hear his name... i get goose bumps... the style of film and his creativity in filmmaking is a masterpiece.... while going through the website... something really attracted me.... the 7 Shades of Love... Dil Se..

The 1st Step
HUB - eyes meet,
it is like a touch..
a spark
- ATTRACTION

The 2nd Step
UNS-the touch of the eyes
was as if ......
INFATUATION

The 3rd Step
ISHQ-the flame of her body is felt,
his breath starts igniting
- LOVE

The 4TH Step
AQUIDAT- she touches him like a whisper
as if silence is mixed in her eyes,
he prays, a little consciously,
a little unconsciously
- REVERENCE

The 5th Step
IBAADAT- he is entangled on her path,
entangled on her arms..
Love now turns into
- WORSHIP

The 6th Step
JUNOON- Living is an obsession,
dying is an obsession,
apart from this..
there is no peace
-OBSSESION

The FINAL Step
MAUT-let him rest
in the lap of death
let him drown his body
in her soul
-DEATH

Fantastic movie by MANI RATNAM..... GENIUS........ A must watch movie... A very deep and realistic film by the MASTER......

21 years of my life......

For the past 20 years of my life, I went through so many things....... meeting people which we call friends and many other trivial things yet very important in everyone's life...... And for me, i always complained to God... why was i born with a cleft, why am i not talented in this, that...... why cant i have a lot of friends... why didnt i get selected to be a head prefect in school, why do other people get better opportunity compared too me etc etc...... Nothing but complain...

At that time the only person who always consoles me was my dearest grandma..... i was extremely close with her.... but its human beings nature that when you get something good so easily, you tend not to appreciate it... and thats exactly what i did.... i took her for granted at one point of time.... and she and God gave me a very good punishment.... she left all of us in 2004 on my granddad's arms... just like that.... and all our lifes were crushed....... especially my mom and myself.... it was then i realised how important her presence was for me...... and once again i complained to God.....

After that i experienced a few other things such as relationships, sibling rivalry, relation rivalry, friends who back stabbed... this that..... too much of pain........ and to add salt on the wound... me and my family actually witnessed my granddad passing away right in front of our eyes... another point in my life where i hope no other grandchildren would experience.... its extremely painful..... and there i go again..... complain....... can you belive it... I was doing nothing but complain complain and COMPLAIN!!!!!

But this year... everything changed..... my perception of my own life changed..... because it was this year that i actually saw the real picture of how my life has turned out...... and i realised that God was so kind and patient with me all this while... He just accepted all forgave all my tantrums and scolding( well i treat Him as a friend so at times yeah i do scold Him :-P hehehehe) and blessed me with more happiness and priceless experience....... how?? Well the very first thing I always complained is that i dont have many friends.... but He patiently showed me that you dont need 100 friends to be with you but you just need to have ONE sincere Friend to be with you and your life will be beautiful.... and He blessed me with 3 Great friends, my dearest sandya, sathes and sathiyaan..... these people are always there for me when i need them.... their support is so crucial in my life..... their presence make me feel safe and comfortable..... they just have such a strong impact in my life.....Not forgetting another big brother of mine... Janash anne for always being by my side when i need a brotherly advise and love.... thank you so much.....

Then of course my family..... my dad, as i mentioned in my earlier post... the role he plays in my life.... just really glad to have a father like him..... but i think my mom is my pillar for everything..... she has basically taught me how to survive this cruel world... the things she has and is going through for the family is really painful, yet she still stands up and faces it so bravely.... those who knows my mom calls her the IRON Lady as she is known to be a very strong and tough women.... i used to get frustrated when my mom at times just jumps at me without seeing the real picture and all that but now, i realize that not only my mom, but all the moms in the world do that to their children because they love them so much and they just don't want anything to go wrong for their children because they cant see their children down, upset etc.... the love she pours to me is so much that i just cant imagine a life without her presence....
my sister on the other hand is another person whom will go all out for all of us including her friends.... to be honest... im not very close with her as we are just so busy with our daily routines and chores but when it comes to family or friends events, she will always be the first one to help out and make sure's the event becomes a memorable one.... and i believe if it wasnt my sister's planning , i dont think i would have had a unforgettable and a mind blowing birthday celebration this year.... all because of these people in my life....

So now... is there anything missing in my life???? Honestly nothing.. i have everything i need but as usual... we human beings always wants more, im no different..... you see... whenever i start a chapter in my life....usually, GOD always makes sure that the ending would be bad but for a good cause.. so that i could learn more about life and be a better person... im really glad that i went through all those painful times and all but this time i have started another chapter in my life.. and i belive that the ending would be a happy ending.... in my 20 years of life.... i got whatever that i wasn't so keen in getting without realizing how valuable it is until now, whatever i wanted and whoever i was with turned out to be a disaster for me... until to a point that i thought if i make a decision... it will be really bad.... but now... i have once again decided something and i am confident this decision i made would be a positive one for me and my life.... I leave it to my good friend.. MR.GOD to judge if my decision is right or wrong...... so far, nothing is turning out positive... but soon... you never know...... haha..

But besides that... what more can i ask from GOD you tell me.... He blessed me with so many wonderful people who are willing to give their life for me if needed.... the love that these people have shown me is so great that i am deb ted to them for life!! I can never repay them with anything because its that much of love, sincerity, honesty and respect and how proud they are to have me in their life seriously just brings tears in my eyes.... they have given me so much... more importanly... they accept me for who i am.... thats what that makes me love them so much.......... Now... there are more wonderful people that i have meet and they too have shown me lots of love and caring.... GOD is really kind to me.....

THANK YOU GUYS........ I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH...

One Common Problem..... LOVE

Have you ever thought whether is love really a problem???? Well, if you've ever been in love, there has to have been times when you've scratched your head in frustraion and asked yourself" Why the HELL am I in LOVE!!!".Many couples are basically experiencing just that, the complications and complexities that come hand in hand with love.
But science teaches you that every action must have an equal and opposite reaction and every PROBLEM must have a SOLUTION.... And the solution is basically the answer in the words of four young gentlemen.

"All you need is LOVE......LOVE is all you need"- The Beatles

This Past Weeks......A Life Changing Experience

This past weeks have been exciting at the same time very upsetting as well.... the exciting is that after a long time, i finally had a chance to shoot a short film. A short film that a friend of mine wanted to do, and she is not even exposed to any sort of knowledge on this field of broadcasting, film etc. Thats why i really admire and respect her... this is a fine example of a very passionate person wanting to do what they are passionate about.... had lots of fun during the shoot... since i am the only one who has a certain amount of knowledge in filming, i was held responsible of the post production stage of this short film... she really has high hopes on me and i hope i wont disappoint her....

And the disappointing thing these past few week have been how i have been behaving and getting to know some very heart aching things...... you see... my mind actually has been thinking a lot on so many thing... there is something bothering me a lot... but i don't know what is it.... I try my best to find the source of whats bothering me but i cant seem to find it.... hmmmm... and yeah... really miss my friends..... have not seen them for almost a week!!!! You he any idea how long is that???? hahaha... what to do... just love them so much... thats why a week is like a year for me...... another thing is my weight... ya, i have lost some fats... but it's still not good enough... I want to see myself having a body like... no one actually... just want to be in a healthy condition you see......hehehehehe

Well, there is another thing that i am dissapointed as well... but i cant say it out... or shall i just say that i am not in the situation to say it... basically regarding my passion... you see at times... its really sad when you are passionate about something... though there are many positive things you can say about passion, but there are also many negative things about being passionate as well isnt it? But whatever it is... i thank God for making me go through all those things I never expected to go through just because of my passion... it taught and gave me something valuable... experience......

Now... I believe... its not easy or lets just say you will never appreciate what you can get or do easily... only by working hard and suffer a bit to get what you want will make you appreciate it... so please... never take things, people and relationships for granted..... you will only realise how valuable that thing, people and relationship once its no more... once it just slips out of your hands as easily as how you got it... mark my words... it happens...... I dont know wherether Im the right person to say this, but enjoy life to the fullest... its just like a roller coaster ride... the things that you go through in life is pricleess... cherish every moment of it....