The Experience & The need to Believe

Yes, it has been a long time since I wrote... honestly, i was just so amused by other things whenever I come online that I tend to procrastinate writing my something on my blog. Like I said, for me, this blog is meant to let out my emotions... nothing else.. so whenever I feel like doing it, I will write... Anyway, well I told you guys in my earlier post that Im going to India and work in the industry there, guess what, I did and it was awesome.

When I Left Malaysia on the 1st October at 8.30 am, my heart was filled with excitement, the thought that Im working in a Indian English Bollywood project was thrilling. When I reached Goa and meet the entire crew of the film, I was so happy and was looking forward for the shoot. We started shooting on the 3rd of October, and that was the same day when reality checked in. Shooting a film is so not easy man, It was really though, especially the camera and lighting department . Well actually it was a lot of work for every department in a film production but I felt that the Camera department had a lot of work to do, setting up the light, getting the right lighting, etc etc. I was running like a mad dog here and there helping out my cousin brother who was the cameraman of this film.. when I think of all those times, I just cant believe that I managed to pull through man..hehe... but in the end, it was a magnificent experience and I dont at all regret my decision coming to India and joining this production. Oh yeah, I was also in charge to shoot the making of this film I hope I did a good job.



Now to talk about the film, this film is titled 'Love Wrinkle Free' and it stars Ash Chandler and Shernaz Patel( she played Rani Mukherjee's mother in BLACK) in important roles. The story is a simple story which of course I cant reveal but its a light hearted story which I belive everyone will enjoy. This movie is directed by a debutant named Sandeep Mohan who assisted Sanjay Leela Bhansali in Hum DIl DE Chuke Sanam , produced by Giju John of Tiranga Productions and cinematographed by Binendra Menon, trust me, in a few years time Binendra chetha is going to go big cause he is that good in his cinematography!!! Since its a small budget film, Im not sure if will there be any distributors who will distribute the film in Malaysia but Im praying that this movie will be released here. We shot the film for a month in Goa and in Mumbai but I didnt join them in Mumbai as I left to Kerala by then.


Now after completing this shoot, I went to Bangalore to stay with my aunt for a few days and then a relation of mine sent me to Kerala by bus. I can still remember thinking in the bus, when I reach Kerala, I may have the chance to join another big name director and hence start off my career in India. Was really excited.... When I reached there...... I dont want to eloberate more.. lets just say that I just dreamed too much I guess...... But besides that, I managed to meet all my relations and in no time, I became so close to them. I never meet them in my life but they all were treating me with so much of love... something I have not experienced here for a long time... Didn't realize how much I missed it and how nice it is to be surrounded by family members.....

I now back in Malaysia........ there is one part of me feels that my dream has been destroyed and Im never going to achive my dream anymore, the other part tells me that there is still hope and dont give up.... but then again, I realised that back there in India, none of the filmmakers has the desire to leave their country and try their luck in Hollywood but they always say that they want to be part of the revolution of Indian Cinema. Which indirectly shows that they love their country and the Indian cinema industry that they just dont want to leave it. Its not because they are not as talented as other International Film makers, trust me, they are equally good as them if they are given the freedom and opportunity. Here, I so want to leave my country and try my luck in another country.... I know its not wrong because I can go learn things there and come back and do something here..but I dont know...

I still have the feeling like here in Malaysia, the hope for our films to achived International recognition has been buried together with P.Ramlee and Yasmin Ahmad.. I feel so low when people over there in India asks me whether does Malaysia make films etc!!! I just feel like making a Malaysian film which has all the ingredients to go International!!! It is not possible but... I dont know where to start.. Believe me guys, we have all the facilities to make and produce good Intenational standard films.. do you know that Yasmin Ahmad's Petronas Ad's are hugely loved in India!!! When I speak of the ad, lots of people will just be praising those ads like nobodies business!!! So proud when they say good things about our country's ads etc...... Now......

Can anyone achieve what Yasmin Ahmad could at the International level? Can we see a revolution in Malaysian Cinema soon? Can we make our own version of the Lord of The Rings trilogy with realistic looking CGI's and Animation and an original script? Will one of our Local films win The Best Foreign Film category at the Oscars? The answer to all this questions is... YESS!!!!! But it takes not one, but the entire people in the industry to be different.. Thats the keyword, DIFFERENT!!

We got to start thinking big guys!! It is possible!!! Nothing is impossible in this world!!! Do you know that we Malaysians are far more expose in so many current things that is happening in the world compared to India!!!! But look where they are and where we are in terms of Filmmaking!!! Im really going nuts here.... I want to take the challenge and revive what the late Yasmin Ahmad and the Legendary P.Ramlee wanted to do, to bring Malaysian movies to the next Level!!! But I cant to this alone.. I need support, come on guys, there is still hope.... instead of pointing fingers and blaming lots of things, lets just take the first step and prove to the other Malaysians that Change is possible and we can reach where Hollywood has!!! Im not exaggerating, I know it is possible!!! But I need your help, your Believe...

Will there be somebody out there who is willing to be with me to change and revolutionize Malaysian Film Industry?

The Experience,The Unbelivable & The Dilema of making a Decision

Its been almost two weeks since I and sis came back from India, earlier, I told you about Bangalore and the thrilling experience of the auto ride etc. Well, I olso went to Chennai actually and Chennai was exactly just like how i imagined. We stayed at the old city of Chennai near Anna Nagar and the traffic, the atmosphere all were really hetic. Too many vehicles, cows and people on the road, just as i said earlier, if you can drive in India, you can drive anywhere in the world :-).... I couldn't get the opportunity to see the famous Railway station of Chennai as it was located at the new Chennai city... but its okay, I will be going back soon so I will check all that out......

Overall, the journey was good, I manage to visit Rajiv Ghandhi's memorial before leaving back to Bangalore... i dont know why, but i felt very sad when i stood in front of the memorial...the atmosphere was filled with sadness... Anyway as we experienced another 7 hour drive back to bangalore... i was just thinking....

It was a dream come true for me to visit India...that happened...it was my dream to board a plane and travel abroad...that olso happened..now, i have another dream that may happen as well... being a part of the Indian Film Industry... When i was there, i met an uncle who was an ex award winning documentary Filmmaker, Mr. Ravi and guess what... he knows India's top cinematographer, Mr. Santosh Sivan's family.. and he told me that if Im going to Kerala, please let him know, he will try to arrange a meeting with him, and you may never know, Santosh might take me as his assistant as he is known to be a very humble person and likes to help people who are intrested in this field of cinema..that's what he said... Tears filled my eyes... seriously.. i didnt expect all this to happened you know... and adding to that, i have a distant relation who is an assistant to another India's top cinematographer, Ravi. K. Chandran.. I spoke to him and he told me that if I can come around October, I may get the chance to be part of his team as he has a project coming up....

Now, back in Malaysia, I spoke to dad and he told me that he is happy with any decision I make.... I still havent decide anything yet.. but I know, opportunity is knocking on my door and I have to make a decision whether to open the door and welcome it inside or not....( Sorry couldnt upload any pictures yet, will do that soon okay)

Bangalore so far......

I had a few imagination on how India or Bangalore to be specific would be, the lifestyle, the people, the streets etc.etc. When I landed, i was really excited, my uncle's place from the airport is about 1 hour plus drive and my, it was the most thrilling ride I ever had. The way the drivers were driving their cars, auto's, trucks were all.. how should I say, dangerous maybe :-P and the traffic congestion is SERIOUSLY bad...small road but tons of vehicle's..hehehe.. but they were extremely skillful..no doubt!!!..

Bangalore is extremely cooling despite of the heavy pollution and construction..the air is so fresh and cooling..Yesterday, I went to the town by auto and it was an experience!!! I really admire these drivers and the way they drive...man...hehehe... but whatever it is, It's so COOOL...

Im having lots of fun and just dont feel like going back to Malaysia.ost probably, I will be pursuing my studies here in India... India has its ups and downs, just like in Malaysia, but its a lovely place with lovely people.... India MERE JHAN, Me TUMSE BOHOT PYAR KARTI HAI!!! Hehehehe.... by the way, even though Bangalore is a state in KARNATAKA, here they mostly speak Hindi..... Looking forward for more wonderful things over here..till then, Namashkar
:-P..hehehehehe

Excitement Blues.....

Im actually suppose to be asleep at this very moment as its already alomost 3 in the morning, what the hell am I doing up so late?? Actually, being awake at 3 am is nothing new :-P... but tonight it is bothering me, I just want the day to come faster so that I can head to the LCCT and board the plan to INDIA... hahahaha...yess, im leaving to India on the 17th of this month with my sis.....

The reason is because my sister want to do her degree in occupational therapist and India has the facilities for that course while for me, Im basically going to check out my chances of entering the film industries or television stations over there cause seriously, i dont see any bright future for me and the field im in at this very moment, so Im going to check out on that as well, if that doesnt work out, then I will most probably do my second degree in cinematography at the Pune Film Institute...One of the leading Film institutes in India and the world. These past few days, I have been having a craze for cinematography, so if everything goes well, then i may do that too. Another thing is that if I can get to do the degree, then my chances of entering the industry is a bit more better..we will see how it goes.....

Its going to be a different atmosphere, people, lifestyle etc.etc. But Im really looking forward to it, I told myself that by this year, I will leave the country, and now its happening, I hope very soon, in this very blog, I can say that Im part of the film feternity and I'm currently under my idol Mani Ratnam :-)... Nothing is impossible.... If you believe in it...

Yesterday,....Today....

Its the month of the World Cup fever... everyone is excited about it.. I too was excited until certain unexpected thing happened and it just made me lose interest on World Cup. Never expected it to happened at all... What actually happend? I dont know....

But on the brighter side, after 4 years, I went back to my hometown... Cant describe my feelings going back to where my grandparents once lived and now, they are no more and the town feels like a stranger to me... Its hurting but whatever i say, i just cant deny the fact that God has never let me and my family down, in the sense that all the family friends that we have over there welcomed me like their own family member... Especially Dance aunty...

We call her that because she is a very good Bharathanatyam dancer and instructor in Sitiawan.. She had to go for a operation, so I decided to go and take care of her with her 2 sons, Sara and Kumar Anne... Man, i really missed Kumar anne a lot.. he used to play pranks on me when i was small and we were very attached to each other till now... Was so happy..in fact it was him and his parents who were by my grandad's side when grandma passed away... They have done so much for my grandparents and i can never forget that.. I thank God He blessed us with these wonderful people..... I feel that i had to do my part to take care of Dance aunty and im happy i did it....
Leaving Sitiawan was so heart breaking... I wont deny that I was crying like a baby when I left her house.... Not going to see Kumar Anne for sometime and this very peaceful town my grandparents once lived... In the hospital, i just couldnt let go myself from hugging dance aunty...and like what my grandma always use to do when ever i hug and cry to her...she hugged me tightly and consoled me...... I love you all so much.. Thank You for being with us....

When I came back, it was back to the same old routine, I manage to go and watch my idol's latest film, Raavan and Raavanan.. It was mind blowing..though not mani ratnam's best but it was good... The cinematography of the film was simply superb... Santosh Sivan, another cinematography i really admire.. his shots, camera angle, color all is just that good... I loved Vikram's performance as Veera... it was another performance that surely puts him on the same league as Sivaji Ganeson and Kaamal Hassan....

It was a memorable weeks i had these past few weeks, both good and really bad.. but all this things are teaching me a lot as well and i have finally learned to stop being in denial for certain things...... I wont say it has do me any good as i have just started to realise and its hard but i know its for my own good.....

Thats all for now... will be back for another intresting facts if there is any :-P....

Life after Uni...

Finally, after 4 long years in Universiti Tunku Abdul Rahman, i have finished my studies and got through all the semesters... In that 4 years, there were many ups and downs I faced, but it was all a learning process and I did learn a lot. But there is one thing that I have to say, I was lucky because I had the Best lecturers to guide and feed me with extra knowledge on my passion...Thank You so much sir's and maam's...its priceless, really learned a lot. Now im basically waiting for the World Cup to end and then start pursuing my dream even further, in the mean time, i just finished a script that i have been working on for some time, other than that im basically just at home watching movies and once in a while go out.

I have been thinking of a story that has really interest me. It was told by a friend of mine about an couple's deep love for each 0ther. After thinking and visualizing it, i realize that this story would be good if its made as a short or a feature film but i cant make a feature film at this moment so I'm going to do a short film based on this story. This is not the normal bollywood kind of love story but its a bit different actually, and the climax of the story is really different i can assure you.... So for now, i will be developing the story even further to suit it as a short film, furthermore after catching my idol Mani Ratnam's latest production, the Raavan trilingual's trailers, Im even more determined to write the screenplay of this short film..really cant wait to catch the Raavan in cinemas, just get goosebumps whenever i watch his films.

I olso managed to watch Hritik Roshan's lates, KITES and i must say its a decent film, not the best though but it was good. Hritik still at his best with his dance moves, acting etc. The actress Barbara Morri was olso not bad, she did quite a good job actually, overall it was a watchable film for all Hritik's fans. But im not surprise if some are dissapointed with the film..hehehe.... Prince Of Persia series was my favourite game in the PC and PS2, and watching the first feature film of this game series wasnt dissapointing personally for me, but there were a few flaws that maybe could have been improved like the camera angles during the fight scenes for instance.

Overall, this last month was kind of a memorable month for me for different reasons..hehe..so now I shall go and start developing my next screenplay ya...Cheers.

Pain

When the first time i saw you.... I didn't know what to say... i thought i was seeing just another ordinary girl everyday, but... you were attractive, and there was something you had that made me curious.... curious to get to know you.. I don't know why but, it felt very different....

When we first spoke, honestly, I forgot everything around me.... all my concentration was on you...only you.... then we parted.... felt very normal initially... later, it kicked in.... never felt like this before... I was missing you a lot...... why??? You are just another girl I met, why am i missing you so madly???? I thought to myself... Can this be it???? Is she the one??? Am I... in Love??? NO!!!! I didn't want any sort of that coming into my life now, there are much more important things for me to focus on... but... i couldn't... she kept on coming in my dream, like an angel of love, showering me nothing but pure love.... It was beautiful.....

I saw you again, this time, God was very kind, we both chatted for hours non stop.... loved every minute of it..... then... you poured out your sorrows.. and I gave my shoulders for you to cry on and console you... it was one of the best time i had in my life..... being able to be by your side when you are down.... and you... understood how i felt for you.......

Then the day came, i decided to confess my true feelings to you..... you called,, and i poured it out... you wondered why, i said its because you are simply, caring , humble and beautiful.. you denied it and wanted time... I gave you time.... you took it and accepted me... You had no idea how i felt.. out of the world..... then, it was all beautiful.... even those moments of us trying to understand, adjust to each other, it was a process of my love going deeper and deeper on you... in the end, I was completely into you... Gosh.... it was deep and full of LOVE.......... I thought to myself.. it is confirmed, if I'm going to have someone sharing my ups and downs in my life, it would be you.. and you did..... for 365 days......

Then, it all changed, why?Why did it change?? People say, the mistake I did was I loved you so sincerely ...... Dint I poured so much of love to you? Why?......... Even till today, I have not got an answer for it... its really painful, feel like my life is gone forever.... I loved you so much..... so so so much!!!! I did what I only can do the the person I love.... is it wrong? I don't know.... Even today, my friends at times scold me.. why do you bother thinking about the person who has hurt you so much.. you... I'm not thinking of you actually... but the character you created for me... even though it was a lie.. it loved me so much and poured so much of beautiful memories and love that I cant forget..... but I'm not waiting for you... I am leading a happy life with all my loved ones... but.... I want you to know... that you.... have lost something really precious.. and trust me.... you will never get it from anyone else..that I guarantee... Because sincere love is hard to attain... and you took it for granted and threw it away without realising how precious it is.... One day you will go through what i went through.... what goes around comes around.....and at that time...think.....

JUST THINK....

The One Thing I miss every New Year....

Well, 2009 ends, 2010 arives... two more years left for mankind, then its a long que up the heaven's gates waiting to check in there or Hell for internal.. man, its going to be a massive que up there, hope His angels would have organised and prepare themselves for a busy schedule in 2012....hahahahaa.... Just joking.. i seriously dont believe in all that... Now 2009 was a year i will never forget... because it was a year where i went trough a roller coaster ride... trust me, the ups and downs i went through were massive but like i always said.. im very thankfull i went through all of it as it taught me many good things.

I know, there will be more roller coaster rides coming in 2010 and beyond, but this year would be a special year cause with His grace, i will be graduating in August and start off my working life before i do my Masters.. its not going to be easy but im not going to give up.... my aim is very high and i know nothing is impossible and i can achieve what i want.... Many people now including some of my loved ones just take me and my passion for granted. At times i feel like i just dont have anybody to share my passion on films... all those who listen to me speak actually listens for the sake of listening and they never actually had intrest at all... there were even at times where when im talking, they just cut me off and start a new topic... Damm, it use to make me angry like

hell... but now, when i think about it, i must actually thank them for doing all that, because if they wouldnt have done that, I wouldn't have this much of fire in me to come up and achive what i want and show these people who i am. Thank you if you know who you are guys.. seriously, i dont mean to criticize anyone here but you people really have made the fire in me bigger.

Okay, i know you must be wondering, the title i have written for this post has no connection with what i am saying, so let me get to the point... Yeah, its wonderful celebrating new year.... the most anticipated celebration every year... I must say, i use to enjoy celebrating new year but not any more... the reason behind it.... my grandparents not being around to give their blessing.... from the time i knew the world until the year 2004, i use to enjoy the new year, but after my ammuma(grandma) passed away in 2004, it all just vanished.... new year celebration were just never the same again... it became worse when myappupa(grandad) passed away in front of my eyes in 2006..... Now, i wont lie, we do have parties and i do have fun and all... but thats all just

an act i show out.. inside me, i just miss my ammuma and appupa's voice blessing me to have a wonderful new year ahead...

Now, to say i havent recovered from their passing isnt 100% true, i have recovered, but you know.. at times.... Seriously, life was so wonderful when they were around, me teasing ammuma, arguing with appupa on football, their hug and sweet talks, the special moments when they

advise you to study hard, when they get really worried when you are out and still not back home... priceless... I must say, i was blessed to have a very loving and caring grandparents like apu and ammu... they were always there whenever i needed them... but as what we human beings always do, we take things for granted... those times whn they were around, i never really appreciated them as much how i do now... in fact, i never really got the chance to say I love you appupa ammuma to them during their final days with me and family.....

Love is one thing that they knew and nothing else... ad they showered tremendous amount of love to me and my family...

Grandma always use to tell my mom that "whether others will make us proud or not i dont now, but Ashanth will definitely make us proud one day, dont underestimate him" whenever my mom use to complain my lack of intrest in studying and not having an ambition in life.....

As i write, tears fills my eyes.... i can go on talking about all the things they did for me and my family but for now... I just miss them so much... they are around me keeping an eye on me... their blessings never fades on me... but i would just want a chance to repent all the mistakes i did to them and tell them how much I love and miss them...

.

All i can do is to fulfil their wish.. to see me and my sister come up and become somebody.... which without doubt will be achieved.. with their blessings..... I love you so much appupa ammuma....