Yesterday,....Today....

Its the month of the World Cup fever... everyone is excited about it.. I too was excited until certain unexpected thing happened and it just made me lose interest on World Cup. Never expected it to happened at all... What actually happend? I dont know....

But on the brighter side, after 4 years, I went back to my hometown... Cant describe my feelings going back to where my grandparents once lived and now, they are no more and the town feels like a stranger to me... Its hurting but whatever i say, i just cant deny the fact that God has never let me and my family down, in the sense that all the family friends that we have over there welcomed me like their own family member... Especially Dance aunty...

We call her that because she is a very good Bharathanatyam dancer and instructor in Sitiawan.. She had to go for a operation, so I decided to go and take care of her with her 2 sons, Sara and Kumar Anne... Man, i really missed Kumar anne a lot.. he used to play pranks on me when i was small and we were very attached to each other till now... Was so happy..in fact it was him and his parents who were by my grandad's side when grandma passed away... They have done so much for my grandparents and i can never forget that.. I thank God He blessed us with these wonderful people..... I feel that i had to do my part to take care of Dance aunty and im happy i did it....
Leaving Sitiawan was so heart breaking... I wont deny that I was crying like a baby when I left her house.... Not going to see Kumar Anne for sometime and this very peaceful town my grandparents once lived... In the hospital, i just couldnt let go myself from hugging dance aunty...and like what my grandma always use to do when ever i hug and cry to her...she hugged me tightly and consoled me...... I love you all so much.. Thank You for being with us....

When I came back, it was back to the same old routine, I manage to go and watch my idol's latest film, Raavan and Raavanan.. It was mind blowing..though not mani ratnam's best but it was good... The cinematography of the film was simply superb... Santosh Sivan, another cinematography i really admire.. his shots, camera angle, color all is just that good... I loved Vikram's performance as Veera... it was another performance that surely puts him on the same league as Sivaji Ganeson and Kaamal Hassan....

It was a memorable weeks i had these past few weeks, both good and really bad.. but all this things are teaching me a lot as well and i have finally learned to stop being in denial for certain things...... I wont say it has do me any good as i have just started to realise and its hard but i know its for my own good.....

Thats all for now... will be back for another intresting facts if there is any :-P....

Life after Uni...

Finally, after 4 long years in Universiti Tunku Abdul Rahman, i have finished my studies and got through all the semesters... In that 4 years, there were many ups and downs I faced, but it was all a learning process and I did learn a lot. But there is one thing that I have to say, I was lucky because I had the Best lecturers to guide and feed me with extra knowledge on my passion...Thank You so much sir's and maam's...its priceless, really learned a lot. Now im basically waiting for the World Cup to end and then start pursuing my dream even further, in the mean time, i just finished a script that i have been working on for some time, other than that im basically just at home watching movies and once in a while go out.

I have been thinking of a story that has really interest me. It was told by a friend of mine about an couple's deep love for each 0ther. After thinking and visualizing it, i realize that this story would be good if its made as a short or a feature film but i cant make a feature film at this moment so I'm going to do a short film based on this story. This is not the normal bollywood kind of love story but its a bit different actually, and the climax of the story is really different i can assure you.... So for now, i will be developing the story even further to suit it as a short film, furthermore after catching my idol Mani Ratnam's latest production, the Raavan trilingual's trailers, Im even more determined to write the screenplay of this short film..really cant wait to catch the Raavan in cinemas, just get goosebumps whenever i watch his films.

I olso managed to watch Hritik Roshan's lates, KITES and i must say its a decent film, not the best though but it was good. Hritik still at his best with his dance moves, acting etc. The actress Barbara Morri was olso not bad, she did quite a good job actually, overall it was a watchable film for all Hritik's fans. But im not surprise if some are dissapointed with the film..hehehe.... Prince Of Persia series was my favourite game in the PC and PS2, and watching the first feature film of this game series wasnt dissapointing personally for me, but there were a few flaws that maybe could have been improved like the camera angles during the fight scenes for instance.

Overall, this last month was kind of a memorable month for me for different reasons..hehe..so now I shall go and start developing my next screenplay ya...Cheers.

Pain

When the first time i saw you.... I didn't know what to say... i thought i was seeing just another ordinary girl everyday, but... you were attractive, and there was something you had that made me curious.... curious to get to know you.. I don't know why but, it felt very different....

When we first spoke, honestly, I forgot everything around me.... all my concentration was on you...only you.... then we parted.... felt very normal initially... later, it kicked in.... never felt like this before... I was missing you a lot...... why??? You are just another girl I met, why am i missing you so madly???? I thought to myself... Can this be it???? Is she the one??? Am I... in Love??? NO!!!! I didn't want any sort of that coming into my life now, there are much more important things for me to focus on... but... i couldn't... she kept on coming in my dream, like an angel of love, showering me nothing but pure love.... It was beautiful.....

I saw you again, this time, God was very kind, we both chatted for hours non stop.... loved every minute of it..... then... you poured out your sorrows.. and I gave my shoulders for you to cry on and console you... it was one of the best time i had in my life..... being able to be by your side when you are down.... and you... understood how i felt for you.......

Then the day came, i decided to confess my true feelings to you..... you called,, and i poured it out... you wondered why, i said its because you are simply, caring , humble and beautiful.. you denied it and wanted time... I gave you time.... you took it and accepted me... You had no idea how i felt.. out of the world..... then, it was all beautiful.... even those moments of us trying to understand, adjust to each other, it was a process of my love going deeper and deeper on you... in the end, I was completely into you... Gosh.... it was deep and full of LOVE.......... I thought to myself.. it is confirmed, if I'm going to have someone sharing my ups and downs in my life, it would be you.. and you did..... for 365 days......

Then, it all changed, why?Why did it change?? People say, the mistake I did was I loved you so sincerely ...... Dint I poured so much of love to you? Why?......... Even till today, I have not got an answer for it... its really painful, feel like my life is gone forever.... I loved you so much..... so so so much!!!! I did what I only can do the the person I love.... is it wrong? I don't know.... Even today, my friends at times scold me.. why do you bother thinking about the person who has hurt you so much.. you... I'm not thinking of you actually... but the character you created for me... even though it was a lie.. it loved me so much and poured so much of beautiful memories and love that I cant forget..... but I'm not waiting for you... I am leading a happy life with all my loved ones... but.... I want you to know... that you.... have lost something really precious.. and trust me.... you will never get it from anyone else..that I guarantee... Because sincere love is hard to attain... and you took it for granted and threw it away without realising how precious it is.... One day you will go through what i went through.... what goes around comes around.....and at that time...think.....

JUST THINK....

The One Thing I miss every New Year....

Well, 2009 ends, 2010 arives... two more years left for mankind, then its a long que up the heaven's gates waiting to check in there or Hell for internal.. man, its going to be a massive que up there, hope His angels would have organised and prepare themselves for a busy schedule in 2012....hahahahaa.... Just joking.. i seriously dont believe in all that... Now 2009 was a year i will never forget... because it was a year where i went trough a roller coaster ride... trust me, the ups and downs i went through were massive but like i always said.. im very thankfull i went through all of it as it taught me many good things.

I know, there will be more roller coaster rides coming in 2010 and beyond, but this year would be a special year cause with His grace, i will be graduating in August and start off my working life before i do my Masters.. its not going to be easy but im not going to give up.... my aim is very high and i know nothing is impossible and i can achieve what i want.... Many people now including some of my loved ones just take me and my passion for granted. At times i feel like i just dont have anybody to share my passion on films... all those who listen to me speak actually listens for the sake of listening and they never actually had intrest at all... there were even at times where when im talking, they just cut me off and start a new topic... Damm, it use to make me angry like

hell... but now, when i think about it, i must actually thank them for doing all that, because if they wouldnt have done that, I wouldn't have this much of fire in me to come up and achive what i want and show these people who i am. Thank you if you know who you are guys.. seriously, i dont mean to criticize anyone here but you people really have made the fire in me bigger.

Okay, i know you must be wondering, the title i have written for this post has no connection with what i am saying, so let me get to the point... Yeah, its wonderful celebrating new year.... the most anticipated celebration every year... I must say, i use to enjoy celebrating new year but not any more... the reason behind it.... my grandparents not being around to give their blessing.... from the time i knew the world until the year 2004, i use to enjoy the new year, but after my ammuma(grandma) passed away in 2004, it all just vanished.... new year celebration were just never the same again... it became worse when myappupa(grandad) passed away in front of my eyes in 2006..... Now, i wont lie, we do have parties and i do have fun and all... but thats all just

an act i show out.. inside me, i just miss my ammuma and appupa's voice blessing me to have a wonderful new year ahead...

Now, to say i havent recovered from their passing isnt 100% true, i have recovered, but you know.. at times.... Seriously, life was so wonderful when they were around, me teasing ammuma, arguing with appupa on football, their hug and sweet talks, the special moments when they

advise you to study hard, when they get really worried when you are out and still not back home... priceless... I must say, i was blessed to have a very loving and caring grandparents like apu and ammu... they were always there whenever i needed them... but as what we human beings always do, we take things for granted... those times whn they were around, i never really appreciated them as much how i do now... in fact, i never really got the chance to say I love you appupa ammuma to them during their final days with me and family.....

Love is one thing that they knew and nothing else... ad they showered tremendous amount of love to me and my family...

Grandma always use to tell my mom that "whether others will make us proud or not i dont now, but Ashanth will definitely make us proud one day, dont underestimate him" whenever my mom use to complain my lack of intrest in studying and not having an ambition in life.....

As i write, tears fills my eyes.... i can go on talking about all the things they did for me and my family but for now... I just miss them so much... they are around me keeping an eye on me... their blessings never fades on me... but i would just want a chance to repent all the mistakes i did to them and tell them how much I love and miss them...

.

All i can do is to fulfil their wish.. to see me and my sister come up and become somebody.... which without doubt will be achieved.. with their blessings..... I love you so much appupa ammuma....

After a long time......

At last.. i managed to write something after a long time.... seriously, was extremely busy this past few weeks... too sum up... i went through HELL!!!!... the semester was really tough and since it was only 7 weeks... the assignments were cramped up and it wasnt easy at all.... there were 3 subjects this semester, Broadcast Journalism, Creative Strategy for Advertisng and my personal favourite, Film Apprecation, Interpretation & Criticism.

For Broadcast Journalism, our assignments was to create a tv, radio & internet news a.k.a news blog and it was 70% all together. Tust me, it wasnt easy.. We had to cover 5 different news. So as usual, me and my group went to shoot whatever events we could find and started to ed

it them and all. In the end, it was a real good experience though there were many things that could be improved.

Then our exam schedule came up and to our horror, the final paper will be on the 23 of december.. TWO days before christmas... what the hell... but what to do... hehehehe... since im having a long break in between my exams, i decided to go watch some movies... i started doing research on this one film-maker, whom is on my idol list now, Akira Kurosawa..

Man, he is known to have revolutionized world cinema with some of his style being used by top film-makers around the world, some even use his stories and make movies out of them such as Akira's Seven Samurai's

was remade in Hollywood as the Magnificent 7 and few other's as well, sorry, forgot the titles already..hehehehe. But seriously, i tried finding his movies and so far, i only manage to find one movie of his, KAGEMUSHA, havent watch it yet... waiting for my exams to end to sit and watch these masterpiece comfortably.

Another film-maker that caught my attention is director James Cameroon....

I still remember, 11 years ago, when he won the best director for Titanic in the oscar, he said" Im King of the world". Now after 11 years, he released his next venture "AVATAR".....

and guess what.. he really is the KING of the world. The movie is simply awesome, the cgi's, animation, the message he implemented in the story and the action sequence.... mind blowing.... its just a pity that there is no IMAX in Malaysia, or else, we could have witness the real magic James Cameroon wanted us to see in AVATAR.... he actually shoot the entire film with IMAX camera as well so most of the graphics are more emphasised in IMAX .But he really did a great job.

One thing that i really admire about him is his passion. He actually wrote the first draft of AVATAR way back in 1994 but couldn't execute the project due to the technology constraint at that time, but he didn't give up, he patiently waited and in the end he got what he wanted and he did what he wanted.... what great passion he has... marvellous. I really respect these kind of people, people who are passionate in what they do.

AVATAR the movie is another inspiration for me to work hard and achive my dream. If James Cameroon could wait for 17 years before making AVATAR, why not me???? hehehehehe... everyone has their good and bad time... my good time will come one day :-) and i seriously hope that James Cameroon would win the oscar once again for the same category he won 11 years ago. Because he deserve's it!!!!

Finally... im back to uni life...got to be honest...really missed it... the 8 a.m. classes, getting stuck in jam after class, chatting with fellow uni mates.... great time... last monday class sarted... meet all my uni and tutorial mates.... chatted like hell.. hehehehehe....but despite all this, im still finding it hard to get over certain things that occurd during my time away from uni...... the problem is that i just let my mind control me.. the biggest problem i have been facing since young...... i realise it and im trying my best to control my mind....



By the way... im in my final year now.... just two semesters to go.... i have told myself that im going to work really hard for these two sems... no more playing the fool..... but in order to do that... i need to control my mind... very badly actually.... I should learn how to move on and not look back at the past.... sometimes i feel..... do i mean anything to people???? I realise these days that some people i know dont seem to be intrested or care about my presence..... well, i dont really give a damm about it but at times it does get into you isnt it??you can look it in two ways... either they are so comfortable with me around that they can be themselves towards me or they are just not bothered about me...... but my question is, what did i do??? I know.. im complaining now... just couldnt help it... at times, i feel really scared to be alone.... i just get the feel of being neglected..... i know im not alone.. i have everyone beside me... but there is something.... or someone... i dont know.... thats missing now.....



I dont know what to do..... except just having faith in GOD....... He has never let me down in any way actually.. but when He testes me.... at times its really tough..... He is testing me now.... and all I need to do is to face it bravely and learn from it......... It will make me a better person.... one thing i realise in myself is that.... i tend to put others are more important than me myself.... a very wrong thing to do..... very wrong...... Hope i will pass this test as well.....

7 Shades of Love.... Dil Se

I checked out a very old film's official website titled Dil Se... one of my favourite movies of all time not because it was a shah rukh khan's movie but it was my idol's movie.. MANI RATNAM... when ever i hear his name... i get goose bumps... the style of film and his creativity in filmmaking is a masterpiece.... while going through the website... something really attracted me.... the 7 Shades of Love... Dil Se..

The 1st Step
HUB - eyes meet,
it is like a touch..
a spark
- ATTRACTION

The 2nd Step
UNS-the touch of the eyes
was as if ......
INFATUATION

The 3rd Step
ISHQ-the flame of her body is felt,
his breath starts igniting
- LOVE

The 4TH Step
AQUIDAT- she touches him like a whisper
as if silence is mixed in her eyes,
he prays, a little consciously,
a little unconsciously
- REVERENCE

The 5th Step
IBAADAT- he is entangled on her path,
entangled on her arms..
Love now turns into
- WORSHIP

The 6th Step
JUNOON- Living is an obsession,
dying is an obsession,
apart from this..
there is no peace
-OBSSESION

The FINAL Step
MAUT-let him rest
in the lap of death
let him drown his body
in her soul
-DEATH

Fantastic movie by MANI RATNAM..... GENIUS........ A must watch movie... A very deep and realistic film by the MASTER......