Frustrated

I have always been leading my life with other people's decisions and opinion... there was never once i lead my life with my own decision except a few minor ones.... Why??? is it because whatever decisions that i have made always goes wrong and screws up my life at that point extremely bad??? I guess so because now, people just know me so well that they can already predict what's my next move in life.... for instance..... relationship... I dont know wherther i can proudly say i experienced four different sort of relationship with girls.... and none of them to be proud off..... Because all of it ended up with the girl leaving me for another and cheating behind my back.....

Many told me that this relationship's is not good and it wont work and seriously I hated when they said that.. with a burning determination i wanted to prove these people that they are wrong... but.... hmmm... and all the girls that i went after was my friends friend........ and now... once again i have a crush with one of my friends friend..... predictable right.... and i know, those who know me, they must be saying "OH GREAT, THERE HE GOES AGAIN"......... but they dont know what im going through inside.......

Now seriously im not that intrested in doing anything about my feelings... i just leave it to God.. He will know what to do.... i really want to prove everyone wrong but at the same time i dont want to hurt myself... so i just tell myself that if that person is meant for me, we will be together.... but i just hate the fact that im predictable..... seriously it has been ages since one of my real close friend has actually talked heart to heart to me.... but i go to that person when im down...... why???? im just unreliable to comfort the person is it???? or is it because Im just so useless that nobody wants to give me a chance???? Or the person might think I cant give good advise????? I dont know... maybe im just thinking too much...... everyone is grown now..... except me....

But you know what, im happy like this... grown up people are so boring... facts facts facts!!!!!!! when you are down, they talk facts of life... when you lose someone, they say death is part of life, live with it!!!! What the hell!!!!! come on... why must everything be fact!!!! I believe at times, its good to throw out your feelings, emotions and be like a kid!!!!!! well, please dont think im crazy here..... Im just letting my thoughts go wild......

I have a dream where one day, everyone comes to me to make a decision!!!! My presence is extremely important for the world... nothing but the name ASHANTH KUMAR should create an electricity that makes people go crazy over me.... everyone making me their idol, everyone learning the true meaning of respect, humbleness and down to earth from me.... Gosh, I dont know why is there so much rage in me right now.... i seriously dont know...... I just cant wait for the day where my biggest decision that i make in my life will be one of the most important and greatest for the entire human race and those people who looked down and still doing so on me......

Im sorry if i sounded arrogant or harsh.. truly sorry... I just feel like letting out my feelings..... everyone has a dream and I am no different, but there is a very big reason why my dream is such..... Will tell about it soon.....